i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
