So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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