I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
