dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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