did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
