Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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