You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
