Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
