I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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