if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
