So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
