Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
