I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
