my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
