just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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