so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
