It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
