Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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