i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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