So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
