8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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