So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
