I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
