Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
