I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
