Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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