I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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