oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
