I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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