That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
