You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
