I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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