Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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