my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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