now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
