My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
