The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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