Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I sprained my soul last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
