i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
