in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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