Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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