i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
