i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
