On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
