Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
