Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
