i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
