I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
