we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
