I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
