I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
