you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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