Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
