It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
