It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
